Losing Cool

These few days have been very trying for me.
A series of incidents happened, and they are all great tests to the soul.

Even as I am up to my neck, another incident had to take place today.

The moment HL came up the bus, I could tell that her temper was foul. She probably went through a rough week too. So when she started talking on the phone with her friend, she was rude, loud and brought a spirit of heaviness to the bus.

When I told to her to put down the phone, she turned rude towards me. Eventually, even though I was talking to her with the gentlest tone possible, she flared up. Anger took over her, and she slapped herself, bit her hand, pulled her hair and threw her bag on the floor.

Here is a 24 year old woman, yes, intellectually less-able compared to the rest, but mature enough to hold a proper job and live her own life, overtaken by her temper.

Anyway, in the process of her wrath, she scratched me and bit my hand, leaving quite cool marks behind on my arm.

She was eventually appeased, when I repeatedly told her it was okay and I was not angry, and that I loved her. She realized she was wrong and started crying. She was worried that I would tell her favorite teacher about what happened. I told her no, I won’t (Hmm… Perhaps I shouldn’t blog about this too).

I didn’t tell any teacher, except for Y when I came into the church. It was a trying time. I was very upset. It is not the pain in the hand, but the pain of the heart that got me. Here is this person whom I have been taking care of for the past 9 years, sowing countless time, money, energy, but showing no love, no respect towards me. I thought, I should just give up on her and move on to focus on the rest.

When I led the welcome praise minutes later, I made a statement that whether it is a good day, or bad day, we shall praise the Lord no matter what. As I held back my tears when I said that, I could see that HL was crying in the congregation. All I could think of was, God, are You sure I can take it?

I brought HL after JAMs out for lunch. I didn’t talk to her about her biting my hands and stuff. We discussed temper problems. I guess everyone is prone to losing cool. I told her that I too struggled with bad temper in the past. And interestingly, I did the things that she did too – biting, hitting, etc… That probably explained why I was able to lovingly calm her down quickly.

Difficult day it seemed. But, as I went through today’s incident, I realized how a split second decision can cause such pain to others and yourself. That was how HL hurt herself and me, by a split second decision to show her wrath. And when that happened, only grace from the other party can cover it and restore things quickly.

Don’t ride on the wave of other’s wrath. As difficult as it may seem, put the fire off lovingly.

A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.